I can hear the river crying,
The whisper of the wind,
The beat of Mother Earth’s heart, 
In my heart today.
I can feel everyone’s love from miles away .
To be so open,
To be vulnerable and to experience life on earth so vividly,
Everything acutely,
It’s not easy.

I ask my self
“Who am I,
If I am not here to serve?
-Daughter? Mother? Crone?”

I can hear the river crying,
Calling out to me,
To join my tears with hers,
To let them flow,
To cleanse me of my fears,
I can hear the river crying,
And the whisper of the wind in my ears , 
“Let go“ says the wind,
And the trees join in and shake their branches,
Bow down to me, 
The trees, my ancestors.

The stones beneath my feet 
Shift under my weight,
Whilst the weight of the world rests on my shoulders .
I rest my head against the bark 
Of an ancient oak ,
And I cry out for help in all directions .

I ask myself 
“Who am I,
If I am not here to love Everyone?
Wife? Friend? Shaman?”

I hear my name in the rustling of the bushes,
The spirits urging me to move,
“Step up“ they say ,
“For you cannot be still , 
How can those around you reach up , 
If you do not rise above 
The fear and pain?“

I ask myself 
“Who am I If I am not here to love ?
If I cannot hold everyone and love unconditionally ?
Earth keeper? Healer? Mystic?”

I can see the sea swelling
With pride,
When I step forth and blend 
With the waves,
My emotions are the tides,
And the waves are energy fluctuations in my body .
The moon rises in me,
And opens me up from inside.
I split open like a sea shell,
Hurtled against the rocks,
But I feel no fracture, no fear 
Only freedom.

I ask myself 
“Who am I 
If I die today?
Legend? Loser? Lost one?”

I can’t hear the river crying anymore,
As my heart breaks like a wave against the shore,
And I sink down into the nothingness,
Surrendering, 
Only to be saved,
By the call of the gulls up high, 
Pulling me up with their deep throated cry
“You are safe, you are safe, you are safe“

I ask myself 
“Who am I 
If I am not here to heal 
You, me, us all ? 
Who am I to ignore the sea gulls’ call ? 
Friend? Foe? Sister?”

From the depths of despair and pain,
I rise, and I rise, and I rise up, 
To see the light of the shining sun again, 
Waves break against the shore,
But I feel safely held in the dunes, 
Because spirit said,
“Beneath the shifting sands, 
There are steady layers,
of rock and love“

I answer myself 
“Who am I ,
If I am not 
Love ?”

A Poem by Mel Murphy

Images from Mel Murphy & Anne Nygård (Unsplash)

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