I first came across Cacao while I was traveling in Guatemala and if I’m honest, I didn’t like the taste. It was bitter and I had a massive sweet tooth! I was new to sitting in circles, to connecting to my heart, it was all a bit woo woo and I struggled to notice any changes physically or any other way. 

As a young man growing up in the west of Ireland I had shut down my feeling heart, it was too painful. Nothing dramatic – but a consistent stream of “big boys don’t cry, get up and get on with it, don’t be a soft lad, toughen up, etc etc! I had placed an impenetrable armour around my heart for my survival. It was very useful: slagging rolled off me like water from a duck’s back. The down side was I couldn’t feel. 

If you were to ask me how I was feeling 5 years ago, I wouldn’t be able to tell you. I’d say fine, grand or good. None of which are feelings. My emotional intelligence was close to zero. I couldn’t feel a thing in my body because I was living so much from the mind.

Luckily I didn’t give up on Cacao after that first encounter. A part of me knew that there was something there for me. So I sat in other circles as I travelled through Central and South America and just as that steady stream of insults had closed my heart before, the steady stream of connecting with Cacao started to gently open me up and sensitise me to my emotions. 

For me, Cacao is a very gentle and subtle teacher. She speaks in almost imperceptible whispers. I found it difficult at the beginning. Am I getting a message from a plant spirit here or am I making this up? Over time my connection grew stronger, both to her and myself.

Now I sit regularly with my beautiful wife Gráinne. We tune in, spending quality time together away from the busyness of the world. We hold Cacao Bops in the local community center where we sit in circle, connect with Mama Cacao who helps us to connect to this land and to our carefree inner children who just want to dance their little hearts out! It is such medicine to gather with like minded people and to dance sober, free of any form of judgement. 

Yes there can be a lot of pain and sadness as we begin to open our hearts but pretty soon that dirty tap starts to run clean and then Cacao can help us tap into joy and playfulness. What a gift to be in this body, to be able to move and dance, to be able to feel the full spectrum of emotion. 

Go raibh maith agat Mama Cacao

Cacao & Me is a series where we’ve asked people to tell us about their relationship with cacao, how they work with it, what impact it’s had on their lives & so on.
If you’d like to share your journey with Cacao please get in touch at info@saoro.org or though Instagram @saoroexperience

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